What I wake up to.

You have to go to the places that scare you so that you can see: What do you really believe? Who are you really? Are you prepared to take this all the way to wherever the truth leads you and accept that you have to figure out different ways of confronting reality?

If you want to have a life that is worth living, a life that expresses your deepest feelings and emotions, and cares and dreams, you have to fight for it. You have to go wherever you need to go, and you have to be wherever you need to be, and place yourself there against the forces that would distort you and destroy you.

As I read these two quotes from Alice Walker this morning, I acknowledged some of the barriers to my liberation. Pushing myself out of a comfortable middle-class existence is just the first step on a long path of transformation. It sometimes feels like I am starting over as a grown-up child, seeing the world anew.

Yesterday was a day of conversation. All day long I participated in spontaneous conversations with three of the women who live in this community. We told our stories, shared our pain, and expressed hope for our visions. Since the internet connection here does not allow video streaming, and I have no television, I found myself intensely engaged in “talking and listening.” This was what I enjoyed about community living when I tried it 1989.

Out of the four women who live on this floor of the house, three had experienced domestic violence during their marriage. None of them are married now, and none have any desire to be married in the future. All of us have real fears about our financial future.

I found a recipe for beet and orange salad and was able to pick the beets and onions right out of the garden, along with kale for my green smoothie. The community decided to have a weekly potluck so, since I don’t cook, I am trying out recipes. I don’t want to have my dish be the one everyone avoids. One entire wall in my bedroom is windows. Last night I left the blinds open when I went to bed so I could see the stars. It is so beautiful and peaceful here.

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8 thoughts on “What I wake up to.

  1. I just recently stumbled across your blog, following a trail of links.The opening of this piece of your’s reminded me of a something from Tess Hughes’ self inquiry blog (tesshughes.com) :
    “But, what if the thing you seek is hidden in what you reject? And, by not being willing to look at “your rejections” you are not able to accept “what is”? What are you protecting by this rejection? Unless you “go there” you won’t find what you are protecting.”
    Along the way in my own journey I learned that everything goes on the table, to be examined one by one, putting aside all shame, guilt and self-judgement.

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  2. i read this and wonder how you found the place you are living in. i tried and couldn’t afford to buy a house in a community – i wish you well; it sounds like the best way to live for those of us who are … on our own, vital and willing to try something new.
    lynda b

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    1. I found the community through craigslist. Did not buy a house here, am just renting a room and share common space. I like the challenge of shared living, it’s a big change from my former life. Thanks for your good wishes.

      Liked by 1 person

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