Living Lone.

It’s been over a month since I posted. For awhile, I thought about ending this blog. I even wrote a final post. The major life transition that started in late 2012 has been completed. I am no longer where I was, physically or psychologically. It feels like a new era is beginning but I can only glimpse the contours of what this might bring. The most obvious change is that I have brought motion back into my life. Prior to the transition, I had been struggling with an overwhelming lethargy that I could not shake off. After dramatically changing everything in my life, I am now on new ground. And, I anticipate moving again within the next year.

I broke free of an outworn framework that no longer reflected my true needs. My current writing is more about the future than the past. I am less inclined to feel attached to 1970’s idealism about the world changing. It will change, this is inevitable, but not on my terms. I am moving towards claiming my individuality, something I often ignored in my quest for “a better world.” What is important now is my personal life. I had an annoying habit of telling people what to do, which in addition to making me a bore, had no long term value for me or them. I now tell “me” what to do and, not suprisingly, get a lot more accomplished. I set goals, make plans, strategize – (things I used to do to make money, but never did for myself).

I am trying to stay connected to some of the people from the big house but I assume these relationships will eventually end. People seem to live there in order to turn a corner in their life. It’s a waystation on a winding road. The woman who rented my room was only there a week before she gave notice to move out. The neighborhood I live in now is still heavily wooded and far enough out of town for me to feel free of stores and signs. When I look out my living room window I see trees and sky. Good enough.

The condo is my work, not my home. I have been tearing out carpet and painting. I can’t push myself too hard or my body freaks out. There is no hurry. For two days, all did was take long walks and enjoy the scenery. I’m in town today buying more paint and it feels crowded and noisy. As I have been saying for years, my attachment to the external world is falling away, and as it does, my inner life gets richer. While I have always enjoyed my own company, I now find greater purpose and meaning in being “lone.”

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17 thoughts on “Living Lone.

  1. Rachel,

    I was really pleased to find your latest post in my email today. I have been wondering how you’ve been doing in your new home. Why would you be considering moving again in a year or so with all the physical labor you’ve been putting in so far? That is puzzling. Please don’t end your blog, at least not yet. It has only been in the last few years that introversion has really been recognized as a valid way of being, and I for one am still learning that I am not a freak for liking being alone with my own company more than being with people. But always, I have had pen pals or books and kept contact with the world via print or electronic media. Your blog is of enormous value to many of us.

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  2. I have missed you. I’m so glad you are looking forward, but curious what you mean by “I anticipate moving again within the next year.” Happy New Year!

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  3. I just found your blog recently and I hope it will continue. You are not a voice in the wilderness. There are others like you and you are inspiring them. Thank you.

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  4. In his poem “Anthem” Leonard Cohen wrote; “There is a crack in everything; that’s where the light gets in.”
    Your writing has pushed through a crack in me – and I thank you for it.

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  5. I am glad to see that you have a new post…I thought you must be busy w your new place. I know how chaotic it can be tearing out carpet and such…exhausting! Hope you are taking care of yourself. I have to learn to take better care of my own self… Welcome back to your blogging…keep on..i like reading your thoughts.

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  6. Hey Rachel, glad to hear from you again…i’ve missed you…a real writer don’t quit until the end…keep up the work and go on…we are with you 😉

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